Friday, October 10, 2014

Recovery

Hello all. 

Just a quick update. Don't want to take up too much of your time. 

First things first, I am doing much better. It's been a week since my last post (in which I revealed I am a raging booze-monster), and I can't believe the difference in how I feel. For the last few years, I have been either drunk, hungover, or suffering from withdrawal symptoms. I can't remember the last time I actually felt good. I am not completely over the withdrawal yet, but I am more clearheaded and have more energy than I have had in years. And it has only been a week. 

Which is not to say it has been easy. It has not. The first three days, I felt like a shit pancake smothered in misery sauce. Shakes, heart beating in my chest a mile a minute, anxiety, cold sweats, headaches, nausea, the works. Then on day four, horrible things stopped pouring out of me and I began to feel better. By day five, I could eat a full meal without losing it. The shakes stopped. I even went to my son's t-ball game. 

The last couple of days, I actually got out of the house and ran errands. Who am I? 

I'm going to take it easy the rest of the week, eat regularly, drink lots of water, and spend time with the family. On Monday, I'll get back to writing.  

Before I go, I want to take a moment to thank all of you who took the time to offer your support and encouragement. Honestly, I expected to get some nasty comments and deal with a heavy dose of trolling. But so far, that hasn't happened. Your responses have been overwhelmingly supportive, and I can't tell you all how much it means to me to read your kind comments. Many of you have shared your own stories of addiction and recovery, and it gives me hope. If others can do it, so can I. 

With everything I have and with everything I am, thank you. 

The last few days have served not only to redeem my faith in humanity and demonstrate just how many people out there are concerned about me, but also to reveal the challenge that lies ahead. Anyone who has ever been an addict knows what I'm talking about, but for you sensible, careful souls who have wisely avoided such things, let me explain what being an alcoholic in today's society is like. 

Just for a moment, imagine you are a cocaine addict. You realize your problem, you go to rehab, and you get clean. Then you come home, and everywhere you look, you see cocaine. When you watch a football game, every other commercial is advertising cocaine. They depict fit, attractive people dancing and snorting blow up their noses and having an awesome time doing it. 

You walk into a restaurant and half the people around you are snorting cocaine from little mirrors as they eat their meals. Bottles of cocaine line the walls. The waiter comes over and hands you a menu listing their exceptional cocaine selection. She offers to pour you a little sample of the house Colombian White. 

You go to the grocery store and there is a massive cocaine section, an endless variety, every kind of blow you could possibly desire. You go to the convenience store to buy a bottle of water and have to walk by the cocaine cooler to do so. It is everywhere, all around you, tempting you, you can't ever get away from it, and it will always, always, be this way. 

That's what it's like to be an alcoholic. 

But you know what? I don't care. I'm tired of booze. I feel better than I've felt in years, and I'd like to stay that way. I don't want to go back. I don't want to fall into that trap again. I've been down that road, and I know where it leads. 


It's nice to reside in normal town again. I think I'll stay here. 

18 comments:

  1. You are an inspiration! Congratulations on making it through week one! That's a huge first step in the right direction and I'm so glad you made it through the most dangerous part! Thank you so very much for keeping us posted. I have found myself thinking about you and your family several times after reading that post and hoping you were well. Again please take your time and take as much as you need with your family as you cannot get that time back. Enjoy the baby cause they grow so fast...
    Thank you from all of us (your loyal fans) for all that you do. Good luck and congratulations!

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  2. Wow. I've never thought of it that way (the cocaine analogy). I am happy for you and for your family! Keep it up, Mr. Cook!

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  3. Been praying for you ever since I saw your blog admitting your addiction. I (one of your many fans) am proud of you. You can do this...one day at a time. We love you and just remember to STAY STRONG....you will overcome!!!! Thank you for trusting us with something so personal and keeping us posted.

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  4. The nightmare of hiding your addiction is behind you. That feels good. You have moved on to the next phase of "suck" but at least it's honest. I learned the hard way that you can't kick something in the ass unless you tell yourself, and everyone else the truth. Best wishes to you.

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  5. Stick with it man! More time makes it feel better and better - just got three years myself and life is so much richer...congrats!

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  6. I really love that analogy, that's exactly what it's like. Keep up the good work and glad to hear your progress.

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  7. Keep it up James. Besides the gift of being a dad (which is no easy chore!) you have a literary gift and we all enjoy the product of that gift. I'd love to read your books for years to come. Chin up, set your shoulders, and trudge on brother!

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  8. I can tell you that if you do what others have done before you, you will not want the "cocaine". You will have a life which exceeds all expectations, and the craving will not be there. Full stop. It's been my experience that if we do what we are supposed to we generally become nicer, less selfish, gentlemen along the way. All you have to do is take the steps...

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  9. Strong start on a better life. Give AA a try , it has a good track record and people with diverse and instructive experiences . Better to have them as backup ready for your needs than have needs and no backup.
    Stay healthy write whenev...........doctor fan

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  10. Love your coke analogy! I've been battling the same shit for 2 years and tomorrow I'll have 5 months sober. The temptations are everywhere and we all make mistakes but you get back up better equipped for next time. It's a process, a long process that takes a lifetime. You just got to keep fighting those demons.

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  11. Also look into Naltrexone. For me it took away the Euphoric feeling I got from drinking and I still take when I'm having a bad days or when I know i'm going to be putting myself into some high risk situations, like holidays!

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  12. Hang in there It does get better every day. I have walked in those shoes. They slide up and down, make your heels sore, but eventually become the most comfortable pair you have ever had. I have such respect for you as a writer, it leapt tenfold to learn you are facing your own personal zombie. Consider me a fan for life. Stay strong. It is worth it. 30 years for me now. One day at a time.

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  13. Hang in there It does get better every day. I have walked in those shoes. They slide up and down, make your heels sore, but eventually become the most comfortable pair you have ever had. I have such respect for you as a writer, it leapt tenfold to learn you are facing your own personal zombie. Consider me a fan for life. Stay strong. It is worth it. 30 years for me now. One day at a time.

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  14. Yes, one day at a time. You have accomplished so much, despite your illness. I can't even imagine what life might be like for you when you are feeling consistently well. And having AA in your back pocket never hurt anyone. As you noted in your book, bad thing happen to good people. It's how you deal with it that matters.

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  16. Good to see you're back on y'horse mate. For what it's worth, sooner or later the bastard will stop trying to throw you and you can ride the thing all day. You'll then be in control instead of it controlling you.

    Good on yuh.

    Cheers

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  17. Hi JAMES , Happy to hear you are feeling better ,my husband and I love reading your books are you coming out with a new one soon . You had Autographed a book for my husband I send to you , and you send it back . sorry this short I'm at work. Let us now when that other book comes out you are a great writer. From Emily & Melvin Morales in queens ny

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  18. Hi JAMES , Happy to hear you are feeling better ,my husband and I love reading your books are you coming out with a new one soon . You had Autographed a book for my husband I send to you , and you send it back . sorry this short I'm at work. Let us now when that other book comes out you are a great writer. From Emily & Melvin Morales in queens ny

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